Songs in the key of Rad

I love reading magazines when they interview some big shot celebrity or musician and they include a short playlist for them of “What’s playing in my iPod” or “Songs that I like to smoove my lady to” or whatever. I swear that these people go out of their way to list the most obscure bands imaginable in order to make them seem more trendy of cultured. I don’t think that I’ve ever recognized any of the bands on the lists — they always seem to have these hip sounding, clubby names like “DyslexiCON”, “Infanti-Cider”, or “Ashlee Simpson.”

Someday, when I’m disgustingly rich and famous and am being interviewed (hopefully by Tiger Beat), I’ll be sure to publish my own playlist and go out of my way to make it accessible to the adoring masses. Of course, that day has not yet come, but I’ve gone through the trouble of putting together my list anyway. Consider it a sampling of songs that I’m enjoying at the moment.

1. Mr. Blue Sky – ELO
Someday when I start my corporate rock cover wedding band, we’re going to rock the shit out of this song (as well as standards by Journey, B.T.O., Styx, Yes, and Supertramp). This one’s a great song to wake up to, vigorously swinging your arms at your side as you prepare to greet the day. Go get ‘em tiger!

2. Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl) – The Looking Glass
Wow. The words to this song pretty much speak for themselves. It has it all – heartbreak, lockets, sea captains, whiskey… What kind of life does this Brandy chick lead, getting constantly shot down by drunk sailors? Doesn’t she know that there’s more to life than serving bourbon to Popeye wannabes? I like to listen to this one and imagine a guy in a brown corduroy suit with a perm and Blu-Blockers singing it. Also love the way he says Brandy – “The sailors say Brendyeh, you’re a fine girl….”

3. Take a Walk on the Wild Side – Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch
A lot of people think that Marky Mark is a joke, but clearly his lyrics were not. Who knows – someday years from now, we may look back and see that Marky Mark was one of the most influential entertainers of our generation. Or not. A while ago, I was watching TV and the video for “Good Vibrations” came on with Marky bench pressing cinder blocks and dancing around in his boxer briefs like a less cool version of Vanilla Ice. Highlight of my week, hands down.

4. Pinball Number Count – The Pointer Sisters
Remember that trippy cartoon on Sesame Street with the psychadelic pinball machine and the funky song that went “One-two-three FOUR FIVE six-seven-eight NINE TEN eleven twelve”? If not, it’s definitely your loss. It’s worth tracking down for the rad jazz flute solo in the middle and to appreciate that the Pointer Sisters gave more to society than simply “The Neutron Dance”.

5. America – Neil Diamond
I have a lot of great memories associated with this song, but the best one came two summers ago at my buddy SuperDave’s wedding.

A quick song before we exchanged hair tips

He had this amazing wedding singer – we’re talking a full Steve Perry hairdo with the sides feathered and an attitude like he knew he’d have his pick of the bridesmaids by the end of the night. His specialty, as it turned out, was Neil Diamond covers. Towards the end of the night, he launched into a Neil medley. After doing crowd-pleasing renditions of “Cracklin’ Rosie” and “Sweet Caroline”, he launched into Neil’s opus, “America”. I’m as big a Neil fan as the next guy and responded appropriately by pumping my fist, hooting, and singing along at the top of my bourbon-drenched lungs. Sensing my enthusiasm and obvious vocal gifts, the singer came over and gave me the microphone. Let me tell you – only Neil himself could have sung it better. There’s a good chance that I’ll never again be as cool as I was at that moment. Ask anyone.

6. We Built this City – Jefferson Starship
I never paid much attention to this song until just this past St. Patrick’s Day. Some college friends of mine were in town for the weekend and we spent the majority of Saturdy rucking around Chicago dumping Guinness into our mouths. Our final stop of the night was a karaoke bar up in Wrigleyville where we performed this song. I was wearing a Lucky Charms box on my head at the time. Needless to say, we brought the place down. I have no idea what it means, but my favorite line by far is “Marconi plays the mamba…” It’s perfectly suited for belting out in a shower. Or a karaoke bar. With a cereal box on your head.

7. Taking Us Home – The Samples
Thiss song is here solely so that I can tell this story. A friend of one of my friends purportedly once ran into the bass player for the Samples in a bar. He was pretty drunk and feeling his oats, so he came right out and told the bassist that he thought that their music was pretty lame. The guy looked back at him with this sad, knowing face, sighed, and said something like “I know. We’ve tried changing our direction several times, but the style we’ve got pays the bills. We’ve pretty much just resigned ourselves to making sappy music that only high school girls like.” I don’t know that I’ve ever heard anything so sad and funny at the same time. Of course I used to listen to them a lot in high school. I had a friend whose school banned them after one of the Samples supposedly got a girl there pregnant. Kind of sketchy, but I guess that it sort of validates the bass player’s reasoning.

8. Hold Me Now – The Thompson Twins
For the summer after my junior year in college, I worked as a counselor at a 7-week overnight camp. I had a cabin with a dozen 10- and 11-year-olds who, for reasons unknown to any of us, looked up to me and the other counselors. We took our responsibilities as counselors and role models very seriously, and spent the summer convincing them (successfully) that Journey, The Thompson Twins, and AC/DC were the three greatest bands on earth. I’ve never been as proud as I was watching their parents pick them up at the end of the summer as they all sang “Don’t Stop Believing” from memory. Such is the consequence of power wielded irresponsibly

9. Rocket Queen – Guns ‘N Roses
In my opinion, this is the most underrated GNR song of all time. It’s really like two songs in one – it kicks your ass early and hard, but then comes out of nowhere with the breakdown at the end, leaving you gasping for breath, feebly pumping your fist in the air. When I’m a rockstar, I’m going to put at least song on every one of my albums that has the sound of a girl climaxing in the background of a ripping guitar solo. Like, as a rule.

10. That Girl is Poison – Bel Biv Devoe
Man! Remember Bel Biv? This is another classic that falls squarely in the “totally underappreciated” category. I have this favorite bar in Chicago that’s a total dive. It’s sort of a last stop type of bar that’s open past 4 on some nights and has all sorts of “colorful” characters like a wobbly alcoholic that everyone calls “The Riddler” due to his penchant for telling slurred, nonsensical riddles. Anyway, I request this song with the DJ everytime I go and it’s always a hit. Totally choice. Also, next time I sign a high school yearbook, I’m writing “Never trust a big butt and a smile, that girl is poison.”